Tamaki Pan
by Tofujolras
Summary: Younger sister speaking. Oerba's on the phone. Anyway, Tamaki got bored and made the Host Club into a forest... Place... Thing. So now, the 'lost boys' from Peter Pan are the Host Club members and Tamaki is Peter Pan! Five guesses who Haruhi is...


Insert Supposedly Witty, Referencing, But Altogether Dumb Nickname Here: Yo hey. I'm Oerba's younger sister, and this is the Ouran fanfic we wrote up. Actually, it was mainly me who wrote it and my sister who gave suggestions here and there...

OerbaYunFang: Hey! Actually, I thought up most of it. *glare*

ISWRBADNH: *to reader* Ignore us. Sibling rivalry runs in our family big time. So anyhow, we tried to make the characters seem as in-character as possible, but fandom enough for some comedy in there. I hope you like it, and if so, there may be more chapters coming in. But hey, I'm not the owner of this account now, am I? I shouldn't be saying stuff like this unless my sister and I are anything like Tamaki and Kyouya.

OerbaYunFang:And, unfortunately, we are. Anyhoo...we don't own Ouran, Peter Pan, or Lord of the Rings! :3 I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is HIGHLY appreciated!

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><p>It was another ordinary day in the Host Club. Which meant, of course, that there was nothing ordinary about it. Haruhi strolled into the hallway of music room #3, wondering what odd things were in store for the day.<p>

"I sure do hope Tamaki doesn't make me dress up as a piglet again. Or a purse dog. Or a sun-dried tomato." She shivered. That day still gave her nightmares. "Oh, well... I guess it helps me escape boredom." She said as she put her hand on the handle.

And when she opened the door, she found...

"A room full of ice cream? What the heck is this?" Haruhi flinched. She was just about to call Kyouya and tell him that she was sick—or some other dumb excuse—and then make a run for it; but then she looked up in relief and saw that it was only music room #2.

"Stupid chess club!" She said as she slammed the door and ran to music room #3.

And when she opened the real door, she found... A forest.

The unfitting heroine sighed and ran through the trees. She didn't want to be a part of this, but she needed to find out just what Tamaki was thinking this time.

*How are the girls going to get through this?* She thought to herself.

*It's pretty thick foliage for a rich person, even though there's a chance they could have a personal jungle. But... I guess they didn't have any problem getting through the World War Two Reenactment, so a forest might not be too much.*

She heard some wild yells in the distance. What were they up to now? The girls weren't even supposed to arrive yet. For the moment, it was playtime for the Host Club and nanny time for Haruhi.

Haruhi's run evolved into a normal walk after about five minutes of hearing the wild yells and footsteps from behind her. She knew they'd probably get her eventually, so she didn't bother to waste much energy on it. Besides, they could do a lot of crazy stuff, but they hadn't tried killing her yet.

There was a yell to her left, very close. Haruhi stopped and tried to figure out who the yell belonged to. She trampled through the forest and could've sworn she saw some raccoon tails.

"This is so dumb. Do raccoons even live in this kind of place?"

Then there were two voices, almost like surround sound; one to her left and one to her right. They both said at the same time, as they came closer, "Well, this is what Milord wanted us to dress up in. But it's fun to dress up as different things, accurate or not. Don't you think so?"

Haruhi looked around, slightly irritated. *Something tells me this is going to be a long day.*

The twins emerged from the leaves, wearing raccoon hats on their heads and various animal skins for their clothes. The look surprisingly worked for them.

"Oh, and also... Milord wanted us to capture you and bring you to

him." They smirked. "We sure do hope that this doesn't inconvenience you." They said, and got a long piece of rope out.

"H-hey! This does inconvenience me! Wait!"

But before Haruhi could object further, Mori came through the trees on a vine, wearing only tiger skin pants and fingerless tiger skin gloves. He then held her arms so the twins could tie her by her wrists.

She gawked. "Seriously, what's with the god-looking love? I-I mean the good-looking gloves?" (A/N That was a real typo and we decided to leave it in :D)

"Mm."

The twins' eyes twitched for a second, but then they quickly remembered their mission and finished tying Haruhi's wrists. Hunni materialized from behind Mori in cute-looking bunny skins.

"Hi, Haru-chan! Sorry we have to kidnap you, but, y'know... Tama-chan's orders! Let's go, Takashi!"

"Mm."

Before she had time to think, Mori scooped her up and she was sailing through the trees at light speed, screaming at the top of her lungs. "PUT ME DOWN! YOU IDIOTIC PEOPLE! I DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO WALK, Y'KNOW! DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?"

Hunni smiled cutely, magically staying on Mori's shoulder. "No."

In about five minutes, Haruhi was seriously wondering how long the music room was when they seemed to arrive at a large tree. It was white...and it was burning. (Just kidding, we couldn't resist that one.)

Mori put her down and pulled a tree branch that was randomly hanging from a vine. A part of the tree opened like it had hinges, which it probably did. The twins dragged her in as the others entered and shut the tree/door behind them.

Haruhi found herself rushing down a narrow, pitch-black chute at high speed. She didn't know whether to think of this as fun or as horrifying, for the last time something like this happened she ended up in the E.R. with a bad concussion. But she just did a mental sigh and hoped that she wouldn't have to go through another dent in her head.

It was strange how much she was used to this kind of stuff.

She landed with an "OOF!" onto some carpet-like moss covering the floor. Kyouya, in skins of a black panther that would have otherwise looked gangster, helped her up. *Well, he IS the 'cool' type.*

"Why hello, Haruhi. It's nice to see you again. Rough landing, don't you think?" Haruhi narrowed her eyes. "Well, no time for chit-chat. It's time to meet Daddy, Mommy."

Haruhi looked puzzled. "Mommy? Wait, _Daddy_?" She saw spotlights fall onto a chair which was facing away from her. "Oh, nooo..." The chair swiveled, revealing Tamaki in what would be royal clothing except for that the fabric was various animal skins.

"Discipline. That's what Daddys believe in. You must spank the children immediately, before they... Er..." He looked hopefully at Kyouya.

"Before they try to kill you again?" Kyouya said, bored and writing in a tablet.

"Before they try to kill you again!"

Kyouya sighed, "Did you even read your script?"

"I MIGHT GET A PAPERCUT!" Tamaki shouted suddenly. "Anyway, we should be getting back to the main thing... We should kill _them_!" He turned to Mori, Hunni and the twins, sword in hand. "AAAAA!" He ran towards them as Kyouya tossed him a cookie. Tamaki stopped, grabbed the cookie with his teeth, and nibbled on it while he ran.

Haruhi was paralyzed for a second, then ran in Tamaki's direction. "Tamaki!"

"I am your daddy!" He said while running.

"Daddy!"

"What is it, Mommy?" The host king asked, looking as cute as a puppy and chasing the others at the same time.

She ran in front of Tamaki, making him stop. "Look, I don't know how I got here, or why we're not on the lower floor right now, or what all this is, but just DON'T THREATEN PEOPLE! And while I'm at it, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE?"


End file.
